If Afghans are one thing, it's resourceful (not to mention a grease fire waiting to happen when it comes to construction and safety). If there are ANY OSHA inspectors out there, I must tell you to just look away. There's nothing you want to see here. This sordid game I've contrived can only completely warp your profession. And another thing, this game will almost certainly need to be divided into two parts due to the sheer number of, well, FUBAR situations we have here. Well lets just get started shall we?
Our first subject should be an easy one. Let's say you're tooling along minding your own business and see this pass you on the road. Upon first inspection you say to yourself, "Well that's just a back hoe." I'd give you only partial credit. So guess what else this is? If you look a little closer, you'll see a couple of Afghans riding in the scoop. The day before there were four in there, and God only knows how they didn't fall out. So the complete answer is an Afghan backhoe AND taxi.
Now, guess-what-this-is number two...what? A wagon, a trailor, a PoS? Right on all three accounts. But again, the Afghans are deceptively clever. It is ALSO a base taxi for transporting workers around the FOB. They LOVE to decorate their work vehicles and trailers (we call them jingle trucks and trailers)--the gaudier, the better!
Oh, this one's really good....guess what this is? If you look really close, you might get a hint. No, this is not an Afghan soccer goal, but damn if they wouldn't use it for that while it wasn't being used for it's intended purpose. This, of course, is a state-of-the-art mortar mixer. Who knew you could just slap up three pieces of plywood right on the ground, throw your mortar in and break out the garden hose. And you just know that mortar is clean after being mixed thoroughly on the ground with a stick, a foot, or whatever the hell they can grab that's handy. Oh, and notice how the opening allows the worker to not waste anything and just scrape all of that ole' mortar right of the ground with a shovel. Can't waste the REALLY clean stuff at the bottom, can we? Lord, moving on....
And what the hell do we have here? I'm sorry, "guess what this is?" WRONG! It's not a screen door, and you don't get any partial credit! I'll give you a B for thinking if you guessed it was a bird crap catcher. Lord knows we have enough of those flying rats around here eating garbage out of the dumpsters and disabling planes by flying into the propellers. But I digress. Well this is extremely interesting, because this actually sifts the large pieces of dry mortar from the small ones and filters out much of the wayward rock as well. Of course they just dump it right back into the thing above and turn the garden hose on it, but I'm beginning to think logic doesn't play a huge role here. The guy just takes it by the shovel full and flings it against the screen. Gotta love modern technology!
By the way, we call what he's wearing "man-jammies." The tops go down to their knees, and the bottoms are large enough for William Howard Taft. They cinch the pants up with a rope-like belt so they wear like huge sweatpants. Jack bought himself a couple of pairs. They look comfy!
And where does the water come from for all of this mortar? Why from this piece of equipment. I'm a little surprised that the thing is still in one piece. You see, they have to haul it from the village quickly enough that all of the water doesn't leak out of it before it actually gets here in the morning. I think they drove this one so fast the wind stripped off the decorations they usually have on it.
Guess what this is? I don't really have the words to describe this jury rig. McGyver would be proud. You know that water buffalo (that's what we call 'em) you just saw. Well guess how they actually get it into a hose for use in and around a structure? Yup, they fill that blue bucket there, slam that hose into it, and pray to Allah that that pump runs without the leaky fuel tank setting their man-jammies on fire. Then when it runs out they just fill it up again---BRILLIANT!
Finally, guess what this is? No, it's not the inside of a condemned building. This is a BRAND NEW building! Just, for a moment, appreciate the ornate craftsmanship that these masons provide on EVERY SINGLE brick and mortar structure we build. Kind of looks like a mortar bomb exploded on the wall doesn't it? Yeah, well at least it holds the brick in place while they cover up this mess with more mortar. I think the philosophy is that if you can't see a problem, it doesn't exist.
Well that's all for this round of "Guess What This (crap) Is?" Stay tuned for part two in a few days---Jack out!
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