No, it's not a poor attempt at building a car from scratch, but that's a damn good guess. Rube Goldberg would be proud of this thing, but I don't think UL (Underwriters Laboratories) would be issuing any certifications anytime soon. The cord hanging out of the end should give you a clue. How about the car radiator on the opposite side? Ok, ok, this fine piece of portable equipment is, believe it or not, a welding machine. Who knew you could take an old car engine, slap a cord on the alternator, and voila--a high end contraption you can kill yourself with?
And, as a related item, guess what this is??? Man, I led you down the primrose path here. You probably think that this is an every day run-of-the-mill pair 'o sunglasses. Hah! you're only partially right. Question: Why would you need a welding helmet when you're using that fine piece of machinery above? Answer: YOU DON'T, not if you're carrying your handy-dandy sunglasses/welding goggles with you. Just whip those babies out and you're good to go--really! Again, I was completely unaware that OSHA allowed this "option." That's because THEY DON'T! Are you kidding me?! If they weren't so dark-skinned, you could probably tell the Afghan welders from everyone else because they'd look like blind raccoons. Moving on....
Next! This one may be hard for you to pick out of the flotsam, but it's sitting there right in the middle of the picture. What do you think? A huge paper cutter? How about a big nutcracker. Hah! Stumped you again. Afghan "craftsmen" use this handy little tool to make caliper-quality bends in rebar. I have no idea how they actually do it, but they actually manage to make all of the pieces look the same when they're building a reinforcing cage for concrete. It's stunning!
Guess what this is??.... You know, this is such a pile of sh** that I almost can't remember what it is I'm looking at, and this is MY jobsite! What I'm really surprised at is that there aren't bloody fingers or other appendages jutting out from under the rubble. This is an Afghan's best shot at a homemade workbench. I believe I could do better than that with my eyes shut!
Now, I showed you the last picture just to get you ready for this one. Guess what this is?? Hmmm, how about a moon landing diorama? Maybe it's the back lot at Universal for the movie Earthquake. If it weren't for the intact buildings to the left and right, I'd say Godzilla had a crack at the place. Nope, embarrassed as I am, this is the actual worksite in which the Frank Lloyd Wright workbench above resides. You'd never find it, although we could play Where's Waldo with the work bench if you'd like.
This one's pretty easy, yet at the same time pretty scary. Yes, you're right, it's scaffold. Apparently the Afghans are reticent to use two supporting sets of legs when only one will do. Hell, you have an entire wall to use as the other support, why not? Why didn't OSHA ever think of allowing this "option?" I think I'm going to send this picture to them right now, and when they get done laughing as hard as you are right now, they can get back to keeping our own workers from maiming themselves. Gotta like the mortar mixing operation on the ground, too.
Just in case you're wondering what a high-quality Afghan concrete form looks like, here it is. Again, embarrased to say this is one of my jobsites. You know, you can tell them and tell them to clean up the jobsite and get nowhere. I've gotten the deer-in-the-headlights look so often I'd swear everyone of them has had a frontal labotomy. Luckily, somehow they actually get a pretty decent set of steps out of this. Nothing ever goes to waste. Wood is used over and over for forms. After a pour I'll see about ten guys pulling every last nail out of every piece of wood that was pulled off the concrete. I guess at about $3/day per worker, you can get away with that. No unions here!
Guess what this is??? Well, well, what do we have here? Un-freaking-believable! Wouldn't you think that before a pour you'd actually check to see that there's no crap lying around at the bottom of the form. Apparently that wasn't high on the priority list here, so now I have a damn waterbottle on the bottom of the eave in the roof. Oh, that's right, they'll just slap mortar on it and go on. That'll make it ALL better! Lord!
Guess what this is??? There are a few clues in here, and if you're sharp, you may pick it up. Let's see, if I were to guess, I'd say this is a teeter-totter, or maybe a McGyver contraption in the making. Actually, that would be close. It does involve recreation and a lot of ingenuity. I'm actually giving the Afghans kudos on this one because they don't have MWR access. Those are the morale, welfare, and recreation facilities such as the movie/billiards area and the GYM (hint, hint). Yes, this is a weight lifting set, and I have no idea how much any of this weighs. I was afraid to touch it for fear that one of these "well-made" items would come apart on my head or crush my foot.
And, of course, I've saved the best for last. You all are NEVER going to be able to guess what this is. Just look at the intricate and well-planned construction of this "grease fire" of a building. If you look back at the picture of the tornadic jobsite a few pictures up, you might glimpse this ornate structure in the background. So lets go over the clues. Hmmm, it's located at a jobsite, it's enclosed (well, sort of), I did say that it's a grease fire, the underside of the "roof" is black, there's a cooler and bucket outside...........
Now do you know what it is? Well it's about the most sanitary and functional kitchen I believe I've ever seen! Yes folks, the workers drink tea and eat the food served out of this kitchen every day, and not a single bottle of sanitizing agent to be found. It seems they believe that by rinsing stuff with water, it'll wash all of the germs away. Yeah, try telling my wife that. Luckily in my experience having tea with them I haven't gotten sick. Maybe it's because they rinse the teacups with boiling tea that has to top out at about 500 degrees. And don't forget the five pounds of sugar they put in the tea kettle (no-sugar is not an option). But really, they do cook everything over these open flames. That combined with the, obviously, flame resistant wood and all of the grease they use for cooking makes this place a freakin' matchstick.
I have no idea why the base actually allows a structure for this to be constructed, but they do. I guess they figure if it blows up, no one would be able to tell anyway (did you see the jobsite?). Finally, do you see that table in the lower left corner of the picture? Everything is cut up raw on it, and I can GUARANTEE that it hasn't been disinfected once! These people must have digestive systems on par with vultures!
Well, Jack hopes you've enjoyed this gameshow, and hopefully you've also learned a few things---Jack out!
1 comment:
Tell Jahan, Bashir, Sabil and the Zia's that they will be future Darwin Award winners (or at least their laborers will)...
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